Perfectionism is SO out...
My unofficial New Year's resolution this year was to give up perfectionism. It used to be a real lifestyle. Trying to be perfect. Trying to look perfect. Trying to act perfect. It's a lot of work. I clung to the title of "perfectionist" with pride. But during one of my many introspective time-outs I decided to investigate how and why this perfectionism came about. I'd heard stories of...the little gay boy trying to be perfect so that no one would find out his secret, the child of an alcoholic trying to be perfect so as not to upset a situation at any given time, the "middle child" trying to be perfect - seeing it as the one thing he can do that his siblings couldn't or didn't care to do...and on and on. Did those stories apply to me? Hell yes. Then you throw in the dance part of my life and you really get an f-d up situation.
So I decided to quit that lifestyle. Here's what's great - any perfectionist can do it for themselves at any point. There's no one to ask or check in with or get a "sign off" from. And once that decision was made I felt so free. But free from whom? From what? Myself! My own harsh judgements and self flogging that I'd gotten so good at after all these years of practice.
But now what? What do "non perfectionists" do with their lives? Do I just become a fat, lazy slob who doesn't make his bed or keep his desk neat at the office? Well, let's not get crazy. The "now what" is that life is lived. Mistakes are made and hopefully learned from and then life goes on. There are too many people and situations that exist out there that are more than happy to put me down or in my place that I certainly don't need to contribute myself. The results: a bed that's made, a desk that's neat and a diet that's more so than not adhered to. But the difference is that when the diet is not followed I don't feel guilty or fast or anything crazy like that. That was so 80's...and 90's...and 00's... Like with other things that aren't perfect I examine what happened, see where I'd like to do better and then do better. Kinda simple. Try it.
In the meantime, this post was inspired by the email below I received and read today. I'd love to hear what you think about it and the subject in general.
Sometimes when we don't feel good
enough, we create imbalance by overachieving or needing to be the best
at something.
Overachievers are people who have achieved but still feel the need to do more, creating an imbalance in their lives. People who exhibit this behavior may be trying to compensate for feelings of insecurity and doubts about their worth. They may be chasing unresolved issues from their past into the present, or they might not be looking at their lives as a whole, but judging themselves based only on one aspect of their being. If this is a word that we’ve heard used with respect to our choices and lifestyle, it is worth examining in order to balance our lives for a more rewarding experience.
If we find that we cannot allow ourselves to experience and enjoy the present moment, putting pleasure off into some distant future, it may be a sign that we are being driven to achieve more than is truly necessary. Pushing ourselves beyond the point of exhaustion, or to the exclusion of important people in our lives, robs us of true and meaningful joy. Once we make the connection to the eternal part of us, it can nourish us and allow our priorities to shift from chasing after an elusive feeling to being fully present in the moment so that we can live our lives in the now.
Sometimes we need to look to those we love and admire in order to realize what we value about life. We can take time to note what we like about others, and then turn the mirror to reflect the light of those same words and feelings toward ourselves. It can be quite a revelation to see ourselves in this nourishing light. When we can put the energy that we’ve been devoting to a phantom sense of achievement into the truly satisfying aspects of our lives, we can restore the balance between our inner and outer worlds and experience true joyful peace.
So I decided to quit that lifestyle. Here's what's great - any perfectionist can do it for themselves at any point. There's no one to ask or check in with or get a "sign off" from. And once that decision was made I felt so free. But free from whom? From what? Myself! My own harsh judgements and self flogging that I'd gotten so good at after all these years of practice.
But now what? What do "non perfectionists" do with their lives? Do I just become a fat, lazy slob who doesn't make his bed or keep his desk neat at the office? Well, let's not get crazy. The "now what" is that life is lived. Mistakes are made and hopefully learned from and then life goes on. There are too many people and situations that exist out there that are more than happy to put me down or in my place that I certainly don't need to contribute myself. The results: a bed that's made, a desk that's neat and a diet that's more so than not adhered to. But the difference is that when the diet is not followed I don't feel guilty or fast or anything crazy like that. That was so 80's...and 90's...and 00's... Like with other things that aren't perfect I examine what happened, see where I'd like to do better and then do better. Kinda simple. Try it.
In the meantime, this post was inspired by the email below I received and read today. I'd love to hear what you think about it and the subject in general.
Overachievers are people who have achieved but still feel the need to do more, creating an imbalance in their lives. People who exhibit this behavior may be trying to compensate for feelings of insecurity and doubts about their worth. They may be chasing unresolved issues from their past into the present, or they might not be looking at their lives as a whole, but judging themselves based only on one aspect of their being. If this is a word that we’ve heard used with respect to our choices and lifestyle, it is worth examining in order to balance our lives for a more rewarding experience.
If we find that we cannot allow ourselves to experience and enjoy the present moment, putting pleasure off into some distant future, it may be a sign that we are being driven to achieve more than is truly necessary. Pushing ourselves beyond the point of exhaustion, or to the exclusion of important people in our lives, robs us of true and meaningful joy. Once we make the connection to the eternal part of us, it can nourish us and allow our priorities to shift from chasing after an elusive feeling to being fully present in the moment so that we can live our lives in the now.
Sometimes we need to look to those we love and admire in order to realize what we value about life. We can take time to note what we like about others, and then turn the mirror to reflect the light of those same words and feelings toward ourselves. It can be quite a revelation to see ourselves in this nourishing light. When we can put the energy that we’ve been devoting to a phantom sense of achievement into the truly satisfying aspects of our lives, we can restore the balance between our inner and outer worlds and experience true joyful peace.
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