World AIDS Day - Friday, December 1, 2017
I’m HIV-positive and have been since February 2010. Ok, now that that’s out of the way I would
like you to continue reading.
2017 – A big year
As you may know 2017 has been a big year: I marked my 1 year
anniversary of living in New York (which I LOVE LOVE LOVE) and I turned 50 on
July 27 (subtle reminder to mark your future calendars). Because of the birthday milestone I took part
in the Boston to New York AIDS ride in September for a total of 285 miles over
3 days. And, again, thank you to all who
generously donated to the cause. NOTE:
I’m thinking about THINKING about doing it again in September. More info to come.
So why out myself now?
Before the giving my reasons let me first say that my immediate family
and circle of friends have known my status from the beginning. I feel that’s important to share that here so
anyone reading isn’t all “oh my God, is this how he’s telling his family…” blah
blah blah. So, settle D, it’s not.
Reasons
Ok, the reasons. None
of them are really earthshattering but after reading some things and
experiencing some things and thinking about some things I decided it was a good
idea to do so at this time. To begin
with a friend of mine named David was interviewed by esquire.com about being
HIV positive. This very public article
made me think about how and when I talk about my HIV status. His honesty and openness made me so happy and
proud to be his friend. It also acted as
a sort of call to action for me. His
sharing has made my sharing a little easier.
Thank you, David! Read the
esquire article here: http://www.esquire.com/lifestyle/health/a50793/david-russell-hiv-positive/
Next, the Boston to New York AIDS ride I did this past
September brought up and out a lot of emotions – so many more than I ever
expected. I found myself physically and
emotionally drained throughout and after every day of cycling. But because I was with one of my best friends
as well as surrounded by a community that knew understood my challenges. I could talk through my challenges and why I
was having them without worry or fear.
And as a result, I was able to rally and go on and finish proudly.
Those two specific incidents coupled by my own feelings of exclusion
from the gay community when it came to my status and dating made me say:
alright, that’s enough. The only way for
me to get a handle on all this is to own the information with the self-assuredness
and control needed to move me in the right direction. This post is my first step.
The second coming…out
Hence, this coming out.
Speaking of coming out I’m reminded of when I finally came out
“officially” (yeah, yeah…”did he even NEED to make an announcement? Gurl was out before she was even able to
walk…so, yeah yeah, I know, I know). The
point is this: I had wrestled with coming out to myself for years and finally
did, then to a small group of friends and then ultimately to my family. By the time I came out to my family I was
already over 5 years into my own acceptance. I was confused and upset when my
family wasn’t right on board and as at ease with it as I was upon my
announcement. A therapist friend of mine
told me: “Don, you’ve been sitting with this for over 5 years. You cannot expect someone to be where you
are. You’ve had 5 years to
process.” The point was taken.
The point here is this: I know my HIV-positive status is
news to some, maybe a lot of you. For
those of you who already know - thank you for your support over the years. It
has made all the difference! For the
rest of you, process this information and then hopefully we can move on to
being who we were to each other before you read this post. But for anyone out there, family or friend,
who might think this is the right time to talk to me about choices, “God’s
punishment” or anything like that please do me the favor of blocking me from your
social media. It’s just better all-around
that way.
Progress?
I want to be sure to share this very important note: in October of this year the CDC said those with undetectable HIV are at 'Effectively No Risk' of Transmitting Virus: https://www.nbcnews.com/feature/nbc-out/those-undetectable-hiv-effectively-no-risk-transmitting-virus-cdc-says-n805916
Great news, right?
But here, HERE is what anyone with HIV is up against:
You might especially enjoy the comments at the bottom of
this post. So, yeah, nice huh? Pretty, right? This ugliness and hatred exists so don’t kid
yourselves out there that it doesn’t.
Some of us live in urban environments where we are exposed to more
information and experiences. And
therefore, t’s easy to forget there is an entire portion of the country – the world
– who do not know or understand the things in the same way.
I think it’s an important way to wrap this up. Issues like HIV are made more real when they
can be directly tied to someone a person knows or has even met. One thing I knew almost immediately upon
being diagnosed is that I wanted to be a good ambassador for this condition. “Good ambassador…what the heck does that
mean?!” It means I want to do as much as
I can to reduce the stigma and mystery around HIV whenever and wherever I can. I want to act as an agent of change with the
hopes that I can shed light on a subject that’s seen as “scary”, “not my
problem” and “it will never happen to me.”
Because while it may be all of the aforementioned one day you might be
faced with having to deal with the subject on one level or another. Isn’t it best to be as educated as you can
be?
So, I’m also writing this to make myself available as a
resource. Maybe you know someone who is HIV-positive and hasn’t been able to
talk to anyone. You can give them my name and I would be happy to talk to them.
Maybe you are HIV-positive and have had trouble coming to terms with that.
Reach out to me and I would love to talk to you. Talking through difficult
situations especially as they relate to health always helps to work through it and
contributes to the healing process.
This news went public
In related news, I want to share something I recently posted
at work in relation to World AIDS Day. I
am the president of our company’s LGBTQ group.
My desire to get involved revolved around making sure LGBTQ rights in the
workplace are recognized and supported as well as creating social and
educational opportunities for the group, its allies and other employees to
congregate. I believe these social situations
can begin to remove any negative preconceived notions people may have about the
LGBTQ community.
So aside from our Diva of the Month social (designed to
spotlight the Divas gays love to love as well as those we love to hate) and
marching in the New York City pride march I brought in a speaker from GMHC www.gmhc.org to speak about their organization
on World AIDS Day 2016. This lunch and
learn was nicely attended and responded to and I’m very glad I did it. This year I wanted to do something more
impactful. I knew that I was going to do
my personal HIV-positive coming out story on my personal blog so I figured I’d
go all in.
Below is the post the company’s intranet I posted this morning.
World AIDS Day – Friday, December
1
World AIDS Day is an opportunity
to pay tribute to those we have lost to AIDS, to support those currently living
with HIV and to increase awareness of HIV prevention and treatment.
Things resonate when you know
someone…
Do you know someone who is HIV
positive or know of someone who is HIV positive? Since you are reading this post you can now
say you do. I have been living with HIV
for almost 8 years. And everything
that’s said about it is true: it is not a death sentence and with proper care,
diet and medication a normal life can be lead.
I’m proof. I exercise as much as
I can by taking regular ballet classes and walking as much as I can. I also completed the Boston to New York AIDS
ride this past September – biking 285 miles over three days. I do my best to keep my stress levels
low. I try to be cognizant of my diet. And, every day, I take my medication like
clockwork. Literally as in I have an
alarm set on my phone to remind me to take my medication. Doing all the above keep me as healthy as any
other (ahem) 50-year-old.
Why on earth is he posting this?
The point is this: issues are
made more real when they can be directly tied to someone a person knows or has
even met. One thing I knew almost
immediately upon being diagnosed is that I wanted to be a good ambassador for
this condition. “Good ambassador…what
the heck does that mean?!” It means I
want to do as much as I can to reduce the stigma and mystery around HIV
whenever and wherever I can. I want to
act as an agent of change with the hopes that I can shed light on a subject
that’s seen as “scary”, “not my problem” and “it will never happen to me.” Because while it may be all of the
aforementioned one day you might be faced with having to deal with the subject
on one level or another. Isn’t it best
to be as educated as you can be?
A postcard and pin
Stop by my desk (number 44 at 2
Penn Plaza in the fashion group) and pick up a postcard and a red ribbon
pin. Wear the ribbon proudly today and
every day in remembrance and support.
Together as educated, empowered and emotionally healthy citizens of the
world we can bring an end to HIV and AIDS in our lifetime.
Information about World AIDS Day
can be found here:
Information about HIV prevention
and treatment can be found here:
Rather than wait to post something deeper and/or with more details I decided to move ahead with this post as is. It really only skims the surface of my feelings about being HIV-positive and all that being HIV-positive entails.
I’m sure I’ll be inspired to write more, especially now that
I’m free to do so.
PS
If you feel inspired today or any day considering donating to the cause. There are many great organizations out there, including the biggie AMFAR but these are my two current organizations of choice:
GMHC – the first organization created to help fight AIDS and raise awareness for HIV
Housing Works – the organization that I rode for this September and does amazing work for those live with HIV and AIDS in NYC:
PS
If you feel inspired today or any day considering donating to the cause. There are many great organizations out there, including the biggie AMFAR but these are my two current organizations of choice:
GMHC – the first organization created to help fight AIDS and raise awareness for HIV
Housing Works – the organization that I rode for this September and does amazing work for those live with HIV and AIDS in NYC:
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