Fourth Quarter 2009 & into 2010

Fourth Quarter 2009 & into 2010

My apologies for taking to so long to write this most current quarterly update. Lots of things happening and at the same time nothing is happening.

Holiday 09

Well, the one good thing about being unemployed around the holidays is that it allowed me the most time I’ve ever had to come home and visit with my family and friends. I think I was home for about 10 days and it couldn’t have been more perfect. I did my favorite things: start in the city, spend the middle in the suburbs with family and end in the city. Among the highlights was taking my niece Morgan (lovingly known as Morganna to me) to see her first live Nutcracker ballet performance. My sisters went along, too, and we made a great day of it. Morganna was a good theatre attendee for being only 4 years old. The show seemed to keep her attention despite the fact that the actual dancing was sub par, at least to these old dance eyes. But the price was right and it was a good way to introduce ballet and the extravaganza of going to the theatre to Morganna. And truly the rest of the trip was great. The weather cooperated and all was just about perfect.

Speaking of family I’m missing them more and more these days. I guess that’s what happens when one has extra time on one’s hands. I’m especially missing my niece and nephew, Morganna and Dubby (Jayden.) They’re my little sister Rhonda’s children and because I stay with them when I visit we have really created a bond that I treasure very much. Because I had to buy a new laptop (see the “What Else” section) I now have a Mac that I love. I didn’t know that it had a camera already in it. Once I found that out I suggested to Rhonda that we try to Skype our weekly calls. We did that for the first time last week and I have to say it was a great, big success. SEEING the children live during conversations really makes all the difference. I highly suggest it to anyone living far from family. The only thing that jabbed at my heart is when Dubby asked, “Can I come over to your house?” Like a knife! But I’ll be home soon to visit. Summer is just around the corner. I’m deciding whether to come in late June for Pride or August for Halsted Days. Stay tuned…

What Else

As mentioned above I had to buy a new laptop. Not to sound like Glum from Gulliver’s Travels but there was a bit of a downward swing going on for a bit. It’s not fun and even less fun to report but in the interest of communication I’ll give you all an idea of what’s been going on. Maybe it will make your lives seem awesome? Give it a read and see:

• October – get laid off
• October – later that month, printer at home dies, must buy another one
• December – laptop completely dies, must buy another one and figured I would buy my iPhone at the same time
• January – start UCLA class with a professor who thought her class was all we lived for – SO much reading, followed by SO much writing, followed by SO many movies to watch, followed by SO much discussion in class. It was the first time I was glad I was unemployed. That class was my more than a part time job.
• January/February – got sick. I took a beating and ended up with some nerve damage in my legs that is slowly but surely healing. Because of this: no dancing for the last 2 months. That has had an impact on my mood for sure.
• March – phone interview for a cruise director position (yeah, I know, HOW gay…) but they passed on me.
• March – found out that I was NOT awarded a grant for the next/upcoming quarter at UCLA due to so many people applying. Therefore I will not be taking class this quarter simply because it’s an expense I can’t reconcile during unemployment. However, I will reapply for a grant for the summer quarter if I am still unemployed. And if employed by then, I will pay for the class myself because I do plan to continue and finish the Print and Broadcast Journalism program!
• March – and just as my friend and I were asking “what else” that night/early the next morning I was awakened a little after 4:00 am by my bed shaking and a 4.4 earthquake that was only 11 miles away. Memo to self: DO NOT ASK: “WHAT ELSE?” AGAIN!!!

The point of all that? Not a sob story. Not a feel sorry for Don segment. Just a laundry list of things that have happened BUT will NOT deter me from staying positive and focused. I’m reminded that we can take a lot of punches and still remain standing. And, as I’ve always felt – it’s not what happens to me but how I respond that will make the difference.

Projects

As some of you have already seen I did sort of do an episode of Millionaire Matchmaker on Bravo. I say sort of because the episode had so many people in it that it wasn’t just about me. Patty (the God awful woman who runs the dating service) had her first gay millionaire client. I responded to a posting about going on a date with a millionaire quite frankly not thinking it was this show. In fact my response was: “I don’t care if he’s a millionaire or broke, I just want to go on a date.” Once there I thought the entire thing was a bust and a set up. I should have known better but I was just hopeful to go on a date. Patty saw guys in groups of 2 for a mini interview to consider them for the millionaire. As it turned out I was “coupled” with someone that I know was a “plant.” He came in late, knew the workers on the show and did NOT look like the rest of the guys that were called. He was what the gay community calls a “bear” – a fuller figured gay man who likes his size…and his hair…all of it…wherever it is. Enough said. So as any of you who saw the episode could see we weren’t quite the same type. By then I knew the interview was really going to be about him so Patty could get some good sound bites about “bears” in the gay community. As a result of the experience I felt exploited as a gay man and I felt she did that purposefully for her own gain. All of us were asked to be part of her agency (at no cost) so if/when she has other gay clients she’d have a pool of men from which to pick. I passed. The experience left a bad taste in my mouth (…do I say this or not…fine, I will – and not in a good way.) J

Another project I worked on LAST YEAR has finally seen the light of day. I was a part of video that a director wanted to do about the state of the country using a Brandy song and footage from the news. It was a political statement and I think it turned out pretty nicely. I posted the link on my Facebook page. If any of you are interested in seeing the video and don’t have Facebook and/or want me to email you the link, just let me know. I’m not the star of the video but when you see me – you see me.

And one last thing I did about a month ago was shoot an episode of project that the director hopes to turn into a web (online) series. It’s in the vain of the old Twilight Zone series shows. We shot for a day and I think things turned out pretty good. The writer/director said that she’d like to write an episode about each of the 3 “co-star” roles (of which I was one) in the future. Of course there’s always big talk out here and nothing IS until it IS but it was nice to hear at the time. As soon as the episode is ready to view I’ll let you all know. I play an uptight, spoiled, snob – kind of Niles Crane from Frasier. I’m not saying anymore and neither should any of you.

Jobs

The phone interview I already mentioned is the only response I’ve had since sending out letters and resumes since the beginning of the year. I’ve been sending to magazines (both print and online) for editorial assistant positions. I’d like to eventually write for a magazine but I can’t/don’t expect to get hired as a writer without at least a little experience so I’m starting there. I’m also submitting for executive/administrative assistant positions – just because. It’s a job I’m sure I could rock and am not opposed to doing that type of work. And finally, so as to leave no stone unturned, I’m also submitting for event planner positions when I see them. After talking about my experience as a planner during my Cruise Director interview I got excited about the industry again. I would definitely take the right position with the right company as an event/meeting/conference planner. With all that said – keep your eyes and ears open folks. I know most of you are in Chicago and I don’t plan on moving back but you never know who knows of something, etc etc. Thanks in advance for keeping me in mind.

This Just In…

My friend Josh and I have been trying to plan a trip to see each other. And, with having all this time off NOW is the time. After discussing a possible trip and getting some questions answered on his end I’ll be going to New York the last few days of April into early May. Josh is currently staging a new musical that I’ll be able to see when I first get there. Then, that first weekend in May, he is choreographing a number (or 2?) for a fund raiser at the Kennedy Center. He has obtained me a ticket so we’ll be doing/seeing that on Sunday, May 2. It’s going to be a great trip. I think it’s just what the doctor ordered at this time. Something to look forward to!!

Anniversary

Some/most of you know that my father passed away about a year ago. As this anniversary approaches I want to share something. Perhaps because I’m a writer I’d created a eulogy for my father in my head a while ago. The night before his funeral I put my thoughts into words and expected to read it the next day. I wrote it and read it and after doing so at about 1:00 am decided that I would not give it. The reason: after writing it I saw that my eulogy was MY eulogy – about MY experience with my father. I read it and wondered if people would think it to be too self-serving. Or, maybe because of the complicated relationship that my father and I had, wondered if people would think: “Oh, he just feels bad now so he’s trying to make up for it here.” Odd thoughts, right? Well I didn’t want to chance anything the day of my father’s funeral. I didn’t want anything to happen that might take away from him. The day, the words, the people, it was going to be all about him and the mere thought about people’s minds going anywhere else made me decide to keep the eulogy in my breast pocket. I’m glad I did.

A year has passed. I have made only a couple of edits - mostly the descriptive first part of the first paragraph that is in italics. It’s for anyone reading it who may not have ever met my father and/or know the nuances of our relationship. The eulogy is below. It’s MY version of MY relationship with my father, it’s from my heart, and it’s in honor of my him.

Thank you all for reading. I hope to see you when I’m in town next.

Xoxo

Don

(My father and I never had a close relationship. I was the first son and I can’t help but feel that he was a little disappointed in my “version” of being a son. I was kind of quiet, a little shy, liked to play with dolls, you know, that kind of son. I wasn’t necessarily a “mama’s boy” although I was a bit of a “grandma’s boy.” As she put it “I was particular” – always liking things a certain way…my way. And because father also liked things a certain way – HIS WAY – we were bound to butt heads. Despite that, I can truly say that I did learn from my father, but not in the traditional way. In fact,) the greatest things I ever learned from my father are the lessons he never taught me. Because we did not see eye to eye a lot of the time it made my father’s official teaching of things and my official learning of things not terribly easy…in fact they didn’t happen at all.

But as I got older and took stock of my life I began to see that the things that were important to my life and me were really some of the same things that were important to him. These are things he never taught me. These are things I learned from him by his doing and my observing. These things are: appreciation of music, integrity of hard work, and the importance of family

My father was an accomplished musician. He never ever had to say he was but we knew because whenever we went to listen to him play people would always tell me. And not just people who came to listen and dance but more importantly his peers. They respected my father for the way he played his music – with talent and passion. Father loved polish music. He (and therefore we because he controlled the kitchen radio) listened to polka radio programs every Sunday. But whether it was in the kitchen while we ate our Sunday lunch as a family or in the car on the way to some event, if there was a polka radio show on – we listened. Every now and again father would point out someone’s good playing but not in a preachy way; it was more like with appreciation. You could tell if he really liked the music if he tapped out the beat on the steering wheel or thumped the dashboard on the parts that were really good. It was great to see that side of him that wasn’t seen a lot; or at least not by me. That side of him really enjoying himself. So I would listen more closely at the times when he was so interested in the music to see if I could hear what he was hearing. What was so good about that part versus another? I was honing my musical ear without even knowing it. And while I’m not a musician I do have a great appreciation of and for all kinds of music. Last March I saw a Broadway show in New York and during the overture the horn player sounded really amazing at this one part and I was just like – THAT WAS AMAZING! And clapped and gave a hoot. And as I looked around it was like I was the only one who heard it. I thought: “Did these people not just hear how awesome that was?” Oddly, I briefly thought of my father at that moment…at a Broadway musical I thought of my polish accordion playing father. I really did. I thought: “I’ll bet father would have really liked that. part.”

I didn’t truly understand the concept of the term “work ethic” until I moved to California. Since moving to California I’ve said that the people there come off as dumb and lazy. It’s like no one wants to work. Therefore in comparison to Chicago I simply concluded that people from the Midwest are raised with, let’s just say, a certain work ethic. We just are. But as I thought about that a little bit more I realized where my work ethic really came from. Father was musician on the weekends but he had a day job. Not a white-collar job – a blue collar job. No fancy office for my father. And as I’m typing this I’m just smiling at the thought of my father and his personality in a white collar/office job. You see, my father was a bit of an Archie Bunker with regard to the way he thought about life as well as the way he talked openly about it and his opinions on it. “If you don’t like it,” he’d say, “don’t let the door hit your ass on the way out.” So father worked in a steel mill his entire life and during most of that time he worked outdoors. He got up very early every day. It wasn’t until I worked at the Board of Trade after college that I experienced just how early. Because I had to be downtown by the time the markets opened in New York I was up pretty early. Well father was already pulling out of the driveway when my alarm was going off. He was off to put a full day in at a steel mill. It didn’t matter if it was snowing or raining or 100 degree. He went. He got up everyday and went. I can’t even begin to imagine what that work life was like but he did it. I will always respect him for that. Among the many things I remember my father saying was that things that come easy aren’t worth it; that you have to work hard to achieve good things. To this day I usually take a moment when something I’m working on is coming “too easy” to wonder if I should be doing anything additional to accomplish the goal. Related to this, a friend of mine once asked me why I work so hard in ballet class. He’s like: “It’s not like you’re auditioning to be in a company or anything,” And I responded without skipping a beat: “Nothing is worth having if you don’t have to work for it.” I heard that and thought “Ok father, how did you sneak into my head.”

Family was such a big part of my growing up because it was a huge part of my father’s life. For so many years it seemed as though once April rolled around there would be at least one Communion party or grade school or high school graduation to attend of some cousin or another. And then there were the weddings. I can remember summers being big for weddings. And we always went. We always went and we always danced. In fact, that’s where my love of dance has its humble beginnings. And the weddings always seemed to be from my father’s side of the family. It was and is a big family. I remember seeing my father among his “people” and thinking that my father is friends with his cousins, his family. Like real friends. Like the friends you make in school or at the office. They ran around together as kids and were still close as adults. I loved that, the idea of that continuity in relationships. As a single man I don’t have a biological family of my own as my siblings do. I am blessed to have them and my mother and I love them but I don’t have any children of my own…at least yet or that I know of. In any event, I do, however, have a family of friends. Some friends I’ve had since grade school, some since high school and some from my adult life. Some of these relationships span 10-20 + years. I treat them all like family. They are family. I know the importance of keeping people close throughout the years. I have observed that it “works” first hand. You’re there for them and they’re there for you. That’s how my father felt about his family. And it’s also a lesson that was reinforced by my gram, my father’s mother. She would always say how important it is to keep your family close and always be there for them. I remember her getting very upset if my brother and I would fight and she would say: “You’ll need your brother one day. Look at your father and his brother. They’re there for each other all the time. It doesn’t matter what.” And they were. I try to emulate that trait within my family of friends. And it is because of my father.

How does a person go through a good part of his life thinking he didn’t learn anything from his father? Maybe by not taking time to reflect or by not remembering or by not being able to put any disagreements of the past aside and just looking at his father as a man. Thankfully I was able to get passed all that and I know now that without his ever realizing it, my father managed to teach me a thing or two; whether I liked it or not.