Third Quarter 2005

Greetings to family and friends. I finally have a minute to sit and report all the non goings-on that are going-on. So here goes…

Going backwards in time I’ll take you to the first weekend in August when friends and I went to Provincetown, MA otherwise known as P-Town. It was my first trip to this gay mecca and let me tell you it was wonderfully charming and a great escape. So no story, right? Uh, wrong. I get to the quaint and affordable bed and breakfast that a friend of a friend suggested. The website seemed nice enough and since I didn’t have anyone to share expenses with I decided to roll the dice. (Insert gambling analogy of a bad roll here since I don’t gambling from Fantasy Football…wait, actually I do have an idea of what Fantasy Football means to me but I’m guessing it’s NOT the actual definition of what it is.) But I digress…

So I get to this dump and was all “Good Lord, what did I get myself into?!” Picture a 1950’s Lake Michigan COTTAGE and then go down a few levels and that’s what this place was. Ok, so whatever – make lemonade out of lemons. I mean, after all I’ll just be sleeping in the room. Which is true but while in the room here and there I would have liked to have turned something on. What the heck does THAT mean? Well, I’ll tell you. In the room I’m all “Ok, let me freshen up a bit. I’ll turn on the TV for some background noise and then the fan since MY room is NOT air conditioned in height of summer east coast heat. Now I’m not exactly sure which came first, the chicken or the egg…or in this case the flat iron or the regular iron for my clothes but at some point one of those appliances caused a power outage on the first floor. I walked out of the room to see if I could find the owner/manager for some assistance and was all: “Yeah, we’ve been having a problem with that room this week. You really can’t have more than 1 MAYBE 2 things plugged in and going at the same time.” Uh, excuse me. Needless to say just about every night as I prepared my hair and my clothes for the evening the first floor may or may not have experienced a slight, short power outage. Or a flicker/hiccup in the electricity at the least.

Next on the travel list would be the 20 year high school reunion. I’m sure I don’t have to tell this group that I was voted Most School Spirited Class of 1985 therefore there is no doubt that I would be attending this function. I arrived to find a very steamy Chicago that day and due to a variety of things I also found myself about 45 minutes late to the first event of the weekend – the tour of the high school. Thankfully my good friend from high school and college, Chris Buss, acquiesced and met me for the evening’s festivities. (Please note that I was wearing a white shirt, collar up, under a green striped polo-type shirt…of course, collar up.) When she and I entered the gym to look for the tour group we found ourselves the center of attention as all eyes from the tour at the opposite end of the gym stopped in their tracks to look to see who was walking in. I began to feel the unfortunate familiar nervous pit in the bottom of my stomach as I did just about every time I walked into that gym for a school function. Being the height of teen fashion in my day as well as being slight of stature and I dare say on the “pretty” side of things, I was the perfect prey for all those awful public school boys and their not so nice female counterparts. The first three years of torment and torture ran through my head as the group made their way towards us and we, unwillingly, towards them. Chris and I were treated to big hugs and equally as big eyes and wide open-mouthed “Oh My God, Hi”s. I have to say that there were a lot of girls that I was happy to see and give a genuine “Oh My God Hi” back to. The rest got a somewhat better mannered version of “the look.” Blah blah blah and on the night went until Chris and I made our excuses to NOT attend the after “event” (in “quotes” since it was meeting at a local bar…OY) and departed.

Saturday was THE event – the big dinner where everyone would show up looking their best trying to prove to everyone that they still had it. So many problems here… First of all you have to have HAD it at one time in order to still HAVE it 20 years later. Unfortunately there were a lot of misinformed graduates. And for those who HAD it, I don’t want to alarm anyone but – ya ain’t got it no more, ok? The evening, like most movies about high school reunions, did have its moments for those of us who HAD it during high school (though kept it under wraps…since we didn’t know we actually HAD it) and then who cultivated and nurtured it only to reveal IT 20 years later for all to see. Outfit: pink, orange, white, purple striped shirt, tangerine orange long sleeved v-neck sweater, white pants and white loafers, no socks. Come on, I’m the only gay there I had to give them what they came to see. J Meanwhile I wish I could scan the group photo. Train wreck. The best one is the girl who, if I didn’t know her in high school, I would have thought was either a tranny or a drag queen when I saw her at the reunion. The evening provided me with, aside from a buzz from surprisingly enough top shelf vodka, 2 surprise apologies. Both came out of left field and both from people who were just awful to me during high school. Completely independent of each other they both approached me and apologized for how awful they were in high school. I told them both “Yes, you were quite awful. (pause…make them uncomfortable…) But thank you for saying that.” (and exit) All in all it was a good to see those who I really liked and still do like and actually good to see those who I hated since they’re all old looking, fat, mostly bald and just want to make me say: “…awe, poor thing.”

Finally, as most of you know I was involved in a production of the Music Man where I played the 18 year old town delinquent in love with the Mayor’s fuller figured daughter. I know, that’s a lot to process. And speaking of a lot…back to the Mayor’s daughter. A sweet girl but bigger than the average dancer and I was made to hoist (yes hoist) her over my head at a rehearsal. Without going into specifics let’s just say I caught all of her and my weight in my back as her crotch landed on my head. Needless to say after an attempt at another lift where both of her feet left the ground with my assistance (and yet another injury, this time in my shoulder) Zaneeta, the Mayor’s daughter, was grounded from any other take offs. But according to friends, they enjoyed the production and my performance so I think I pulled it off. It was a great experience, my first real production with lines and not just background stuff. I hope it’s the beginning of more to come. As for what’s next, I don’t have anything yet which is nice since we were rehearsing 4 days a week since July and the final performance was just Sunday, September 25.

One last thing – Jury Duty. To make a long email short (too late) I’ll say that I went to jury duty and was being considered for a case that was expected to go 12-14 days. I’m either way about jury duty; don’t care if I’m picked or not. There were so many people who were SO lying just to get out. Whatever, freaks – do your duty! Any old way, the case was about 2 men/soccer players who allegedly approached and threatened a ref with a gun and physical harm for making a bad call. COME ON!!! For the love of Nancy, don’t we have bigger fish to fry folks? Any old way, to make a long story short (too late, again) at one point the prosecution reminded the jury that circumstantial evidence holds just as much weight as all other evidence and asked us to agree. I could not agree therefore did not agree. The judge then intervened and reminded me, just as the prosecutor did, that circumstantial evidence was “just as good.” I told him ‘Yes, I heard him and I still don’t agree.” Judge: “Ok Mr. Pietranczyk. My wife and I live alone and have a cat. We leave a cupcake on the table before going to sleep. No one else enters the home and the next morning part of the cupcake has been eaten and not by me or my wife, do you feel comfortable concluding that the cat ate the cupcake.” I’m all: “At the risk of sounding flip there’s a big difference between and cat and a cupcake and sending 2 men to prison.” Judge: “True. Ok Mr. Pietranczyk, how about this: You’re outside a store. You hear a gunshot. A man runs out past you holding a gun. You walk in to find an empty store and a man lying, shot. Do you feel comfortable concluding that the man who ran past you holding the gun is the man who fired the shot?” Me: “No! Especially not in the case of someone firing a gun. I would need to see it shot or have an eye witness that saw it shot. It’s too important a decision to make merely based on circumstantial evidence.” Defeated, if a bit frustrated, the judge took counsel into chambers and came back and the first thing out of his mouth was: “Thank you Mr. Pietranczyk, we won’t be needing your services. We don’t think you could make a fair decision in this case.” WHAT?! I left feeling as though I did something wrong when I was only staying true to my feelings. Whatever. The only regret I have is that I didn’t get to 1) make an entrance into the courtroom 2) take the stand and 3) take the stand wearing a big, brimmed hat with netting, gloves, and skirt suit with a peplum jacket. J

At the risk of boring you all to tears with anymore I’ll end here. I made my travel plans for Christmas and will be home from December 21-27. I plan to stay in the city from 26-27 which means, you guessed it, dinner and the Showtunes at Sidetracks. So all of you Chicago friends get ready for a Monday night of fun on the 26^th. Please try to keep that open if possible. Also, I think some of you may have seen some shots that a friend took of me last year (and I’ve already forwarded this link to some of you already) but check out: http://www.cameracreations.net. Check out all the tabs cause I’m on most of them. I hope you’re all well and, as always, I’d love to hear YOUR updates whenever you have a minute to send them out.

Until then,

Don